smtfhw

Today's luxurious disappointments are in the fields of scheduling issues and data preservation.

The latter is because a hard drive stopped working. I got a couple error messages about moving and deleting files - "Error 0x8007045D: the request could not be performed because of an I/O device error" - which was soon followed by Error code 43, then "Cannot open drive for direct access". At this point, I'm pretty secure in saying it's not going to get fixed by trying the hard drive on another computer, or that I can fix it myself. As such, I'm going to leave it alone in the hopes it doesn't get worse and look into local data recovery centers to see which one can best help me.

In the former's case, it's because Escapade is scheduled opposite a few movie screenings at the MOMI I'd very much like to see. I can probably juggle them around, pick which movies versus which panels, and it's more than a little annoying to have to choose between two fun things to look forward to. As I said, luxurious disappointments.

Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: Will Ye Go, Lassie Go? - Sinners

hannah

I went to a master's program's commencement ceremony at the Apollo Theater today, and while I left after two hours and didn't see it end, based on how those first two hours and the setup went, I doubt anyone blasted any James Brown.

What a wasted opportunity.

I'm glad I went, though, for all its wasted opportunities and long-winded metaphor-straining speeches and a prerecorded speech from a chancellor that included a plug to sign up for the alumni association while detailing its many features. My sister in law E. and older brother J. seemed happy about it, and I'll know I was willing to make an effort to show up.

Current Mood: indifferent
Current Music: Breaking Glass - David Bowie

hannah

Less than eighteen hours to go and still no texts, emails, or other forms of communication about my sister in law E.'s graduation tomorrow. It's information I can look up fairly easily, and that strikes me as being somewhat beside the point when I don't have anything beyond a verbal "come if you can" offer. It's not exactly sitting peacefully with me. I know a closed mouth doesn't get fed, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to open my mouth or not.

I plan on going, and it's feeling a bit like it's under protest.

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Photobooth - Death Cab For Cutie

hannah

In trying to tidy my closet and the dresses I've got in there, I'm now seeing how many "nice" dresses I have that cover a fairly wide variety of situations. It's nice to see that the ones I bought well over a decade ago are still largely holding up well.

In other news, while my sister in law E. and my brother J. are planning on going to Cancún, I somehow doubt they're at all interested in visiting the Chicxulub crater. Some people just don't know how to have a good time.

Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: nothing now

thisbluespirit

I'm still a bit behind on crossposting these:

Name: Trap for the Unwary
Story: Starfall
Colors: Warm Heart #1 (Hope); Vert #28 (Fear less, hope more)
Supplies and Styles: Chiaroscuro + Thread
Word Count: 2375
Rating: PG
Warnings: Imprisonment, nausea.
Notes: Portcallan, 1313; Leion Valerno. (Leion's side of On the Trail.)
Summary: Leion walks into a trap.

Name: Blink of an Eye
Story: Starfall
Colors: Beet red #18 (Easy does it); Azul #19 (Trust the strength of another)
Supplies and Styles: Pastels (for

no_true_pair prompt "March 27th - Osmer and Pello out in the woods") + Canvas
Word Count: 1091
Rating: G
Warnings: None.
Notes: 1311 somewhere in High Eisterland; Osmer Nivyrn, Pello Ahblan. (Slightly random snippet as yet.)
Summary: Pello gets his first taste of the Paths.

karohemd

Folks, there's no easy way to say this, I need help.
I've been struggling with mental health problems for a number of years now, mainly a mix of complete lack of executive function and anxiety. This led to all kinds of problems I kept ignoring and culminated in losing my job because I couldn't cope with stressful situations. When my savings ran out last year, it looked really bad but I was rescued and after a lengthy hospital stay, friends put me up at their house. I recovered a bit financially after a generous donation from my parents but that buffer only meant I kept ignoring the new problems arising from the battle with the benefits and other systems and I did nothing for several months. There are still legal issues preventing me from applying for benefits that are slowly being worked on with the help of a social worker from the local council, a process I could easily have started last year but was refused by my brain.
Now it won't be long until my money runs out again so I've finally jumped over my own shadow and am asking for help.

If you are able to help me with a donation (one-off or monthly, any amount welcome) towards my monthly outgoings (fees/charges for my flat, utilities and basic food), I would be eternally grateful. Currently, I have two options:
Paypal: https://paypal.me/karohemd
Please declare the payment as gift and make it out in GBP/£.
or
Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/karohemd

From the UK another alternative would be a direct bank transfer. Please contact me on karohemd at gmail dot com if you would prefer that option. Please also let me know if you know of any other "send me money" websites/apps. I've done some searching but it's all rather complicated and the easy ones are all US-only.

If you think you know people who might be able to donate as well, please pass on this post or just the links as you see fit on socials, discords etc.

I have always been bad at asking for help so this post is hopefully a step towards overcoming that hurdle.
I also know that many people are struggling financially in the current climate so please don't feel bad if you can't help. Thank you!

Current Mood: hopeful

hannah

I spent several hours today not knowing where my towel was. I knew I'd taken it down to the laundry room and brought it out from the washer, and somewhere between the dryer and my apartment, it disappeared. Couldn't be found. I went back and checked, and didn't find it. I figured it wasn't a huge loss, all things considered, and tried to move on.

I just went back to check to be sure, and somewhere between the washer and the dryer, it got misplaced without leaving the laundry room, because that's where I found it. Someone had tossed it into the garbage bin - not even hanging it over the sink, but tossing it out entirely, which has me irritated on the general principle of throwing out a good hand towel being a bad idea because hey, free towel.

It's also got me relieved because I again know where my towel is. I couldn't well go hitchhiking otherwise.

Current Mood: relieved
Current Music: Iowa - Brian Perry

hannah

At present, settling into telling myself the story and figuring out how it's put together, is the important part. What the story's about, its purpose and intentions, can come later. Right now, I'm telling it to myself. Well, myself and the accountability readers. Mostly myself. Nobody else is thinking about it as much as I am.

Keeping to that tunnel vision of one word at a time, no matter how good the word happens to be or how much I like it, is where I'm at. I'm likely going to opt to stay in New York for most of the vacation my parents planned for upstate and that's only in part because I'm not sure how I feel about always automatically being included. It's a lot of complicated feelings, and what's not complicated is it's easier to keep writing when I'm in my apartment. All my stuff is here. My notes, my research materials. Also the practical momentum of sitting down and getting the words out.

Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) - Arcade Fire

hannah

Earlier this week, my older brother J. wanted to inflate an exercise ball for his wife E. My younger brother R. and his wife G. who live about a block away have several bike pumps that could be used to that precise task. Now, they're a block away from each other. J. doesn't walk to R.'s apartment to borrow the pump, inflate the ball at his place, and walk back to return the pump when he's done. He doesn't ask R. or G. to bring a bike pump over to inflate the ball at his apartment. He brings the un-flated ball to their apartment to inflate it there.

I know I have my own set of strengths and weaknesses, and I know I'd aim for a more practical solution to the problem of how to move around a fully inflated exercise ball. Like keeping it in one location. The pump's a far more modular device.

Also of note is that E. told G. - not in confidence, not in secret - that she wasn't interested in coming to Friday night dinners anymore. She didn't feel up to it. I know she's pregnant right now, but even before she was expecting, she was pulling the exact same excuse of having a long week at work. She's been using that excuse for several years now, and I'd figured not every week could be that long. I'd apparently figured right. At the same time, it's nice to know that if she's not making the effort, I don't have to worry about it. I'd had a small bit of concern my attempt at polite behavior - attentive listening, eye contact, not interrupting, waiting patiently for people to finish their sentences - had sent the wrong message, what with being told that she probably found it intimidating. Maybe she did, and thinking it's just on me is something where I can't afford that level of vanity. This part isn't me thinking, this part is me realizing: no matter what I do, at some point she needs to make the effort. And G. told me she told E. that at some point, she needed to make the effort, and E. didn't seem all that interested.

Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: We Used To Wait - Arcade Fire

hannah

You know a drink's good when you take a sip and all you can say is, "Hot damn." It was a 35mm at Metrograph, one of the in-house cocktails. I was in the mood to give something like that a try and I'm happy I did. Also worth a "hot damn" tonight was the bar making two Pink Flamingos by accident and giving us one for free, and getting home by midnight.

I took my younger brother and his wife out to see Magnolia on, yes, 35mm film. They covered the tickets and I covered dinner, food and drinks both. They said it was a lot, and it might have been; I don't have a good frame of reference for a fairly upscale dinner for three with dessert and drinks included, especially when I usually drink at home and the closest I ordinarily come to eating out is buying some ready-made food at a grocery store. Especially when it was my genuine pleasure to do so. A great movie followed by a good meal with lovely company - well worth the end cost.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Save Me - Aimee Mann

hannah

I ended up recording a video and uploading it to Google Drive, and providing a link to that. I emailed the organization for advice on how to go forward and that was their suggestion, and it's my hope that it'll at least get the application looked at by a person, though I'm trying to be realistic and not hold out hope for anything more than that. Just take what comes, whatever that happens to be.

Same with having sent out another novel query today. It's out and off, and it's not something I'll be thinking about until I get a response - and if I never do, then I'm going to let myself forget about it. It's a little odd to conceptualize this as having been fairly productive as days spent in my apartment go, for the productive things to be forgotten almost immediately, but then again, that's how doing the laundry usually works.

Current Mood: ditzy
Current Music: Suburban War - Arcade Fire

hannah

It turns out something that I thought conflicted with plans this week is happening next week. I'm almost disappointed: it would've been nice to have an outstanding commitment preventing me from having to make a decision. It's eminently possible something might come up and take care of things for me that way. I'm hoping it does. If not, I won't be able to complain - I'll have the day free for it, so I might as well spend it on the event with an invitation.

Today would've been spent being more productive, but then I saw the job listing required a link to a short video explaining why I should get hired. Stopped me cold. I figure with something like that, I might as well just call them in the morning, because I'm probably about as likely to get a job cold-calling a place as I am linking to a video. Not sending it in; uploading it somewhere.

Current Mood: restless
Current Music: nothing now

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smtfhw

March 2021

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Page generated Jun. 9th, 2025 01:01 pm

Reading

All go together.

In your room again.

Scraping paper to document.

Tuesday night.

Starfall Stories 47

A request for help

June the First.

Please cut the lights.

Times had already changed.

A girl in need.

Distant stars.

Monday night.

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March 2021

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